So I put it out there for suggestions for my blog, and I got an odd collection of ideas. Some are…definitely not things I’m going to write about. Others are varied as to what people want to hear my take on, and it’s kind of cool. (Seriously, nobody EVER wants my opinions, so this is fun.)

Here we go: Freek, what has inspired your assassin story?

I’ve had the idea for a story about a hitman for years. It was different than most of my other ideas. The other novels I’ve worked on through the years have involved vampires, zombie monster demon things, fantasy stories (dragons and such). The hitman idea originally came listening to a song, as most of my ideas do. The song was Tire Me by Rage Against the Machine. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6M-_IazJp0     Listening to the song one day, an image started playing out in my head, then it started building. It just built and built from there. Once I had that initial idea, other songs started feeding into it. (Entry 9 will be posted on Monday, and when you’re reading the Cabrini Green parts of his childhood, listen to the songs “Who We Be” and “Ain’t No Sunshine” by DMX. Those songs helped fuel the fire for those scenes.

I could list off about 30 or 40 songs that help me write, but to describe them would give away some future scenes. The words, the rhythms, the feel of the songs just put my mind where it needs to be.

A few months ago when I changed my idea and made the hitman have MPD, that was partially inspired by music too, and has added a whole new list of songs that help me paint the pictures of the Fractured Assassin.

Eventually maybe I’ll post a list of songs to jam to that helped me create this character, for now, check out Rage Against the Machine “Without a Face”, Megadeth “Sweating Bullets” and Sick Puppies “White Balloons”.

http://fracturedassassin.wordpress.com

Lame Lame Lame

So, as much as I enjoy doing this blog, I don’t think I’m doing it right. Not really, anyway. I’ve been checking other blogs around wordpress and some other sites, and what I’ve learned is people write EVERY DAY! I just can’t. Call me lazy or whatever, but working hard around the house, the 3 year old, researching stuff for my hitman book, actual work, blah blah blah. When I finally have a few free minutes, I either start writing on Assassin, play a video game or two, or read. (been wrapped into an amazing series of books the last week, and in another week I’ll probably have the series finished.)

I thought about why writing this blog doesn’t just fall into the recreation category, and I realized that I just don’t have too much to say. I’m very opinionated, loudmouthed and a general asshole, but ranting to mostly unseen faces just doesn’t really have an appeal. I started this blog as a way to vent and work through things, but I realized something else: I don’t like talking about the present. It’s just not me. I write newer poetry quite a bit, but I don’t post it on my poetry site. Why? Because a lot of the emotion there is from right now, today, or maybe last week or whatever but it’s current. (the songs are different, they’re just inspired by whatever I drag up from the depths). The poetry, though? That’s all fresh, raw emotion.

I think that’s what I intended the blog to be, but it kind of defeats the purpose if I’m holding back and skipping over the details of my life right now. I could write about random stuff, but I don’t like the idea of THINKING of what to write about. Most of the creative energies I have right now are focused on the book with a little spare for the poetry.

I have an idea, though.

YOU tell me what to write about. I have enough people reading this that I should get a few ideas, so drop me an email or post a comment and tell me what you want to hear from me. New poem? A few paragraphs from one of my other books-in-progress? Thoughts on the political intricacies of midget society? Whatever. I’ll snag up a few ideas a week and THAT’S what I’ll write about.

My blog…is now YOU’RE blog. Well…my insanity may still slip through now and then, but whatever.

New Hitman

I wrote my biggest piece of the hitman story today, and I like it. Reading over it, I’m getting very critical with myself and wanting to go in and edit the hell out of it, but I’m not gonna do that. To push myself to keep writing new stuff, I’m just gonnna leave it how it is and figure the rest out when it’s done.

I think I really enjoyed this part because I get to show that he’s NOT a character you’ll always like. He’s not a good guy, not by a long shot. He’s a killer, and althought he has a few “good guy” qualities, the fact remains that he’s a sociapath and a murderer. I want the reader to view him like I do: You want to like him, but you can’t completely like him. He has too many negative qualities to love him. He does things like…ya know…sleep with girls then break their hearts, murder people, blah blah blah.

Crazy enough, though, I still like. Other than the fact his real name is Michael, (the most awesome name EVER), he DOES feel guilt over the bad things he does. It doesn’t stop him from doing them, but at least there’s remorse there, even if it’s only a little. That tiny piece of humanity he holds on to redeems him in my eyes. Maybe.

Check it out if you haven’t, there’s a link on the side for it. Fractured Assassin. A novel in progress. Enjoy.

5 Question Friday? Okay.

I didn’t have time to come up with a 5 Favorite Friday list since I was working last night, so thought I could do this instead. Seems fun.

1. Do you collect anything? I used to collect the usual when I was a kid; comics, baseball cards. Collected cool swords and knives for awhile, went through an M&M collectible phase, a Dale Earnhardt phase (pre-accident). Currently? Not really. I guess I collect books in a way. I buy books that I want to read and RARELY take them to Half Price Books, just in case I want to read them again someday.

2. Name 3 celebrities that you find good looking. Sarah Michelle Gellar-I still have my geeky-fanboy-Buffy obsession, and always found something about her very attractive. Jennifer Love Hewitt- Although to me she’s not the hottest, she’s got an almost perfect body shape and a flawlessly pretty face. Kate Beckinsdale- She can go from stone cold sexy to classically beautiful just by changing an outfit. One of the most naturally beautiful women in Hollywood, if not THE most beautiful.

3. Do you have any scars? If so, what’s the story behind it (them?)?  I have a few. One from a 3-wheeler accident when I was a kid, another from a flying chunk of glass, one where a screw went into my wrist. Nothing too major.

4. What is a food that you like to eat, but others might think it’s gross or weird? Nothing, really. I have a pretty sensitive food taste.

5. Have you ever seen a tornado in real life? No, but I did the Twisted thing at Universal Studios, that was pretty fun.

Awareness is the Devil

I’ve made a decision. It’s going to paint me as a jerk in many ways, and it’s going to piss me off at myself because I’m guilty of this, but something has to be said! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE! Tell your friends, spread the word: This MUST be stopped!

How is that for an intro? I see it all the time. I saw it about the health care bill, making sure I was AWARE of what problems it would cause. I see it about the BP oil spill, making me AWARE of how evil BP is, and how INEFFECTIVE President Obama is, taking his third vacation since the spill occurred. I see the videos sent out by the PETA-folks that want me to be AWARE that animals used to make KFC chicken are treated badly. All of this information is sent to me by every day folks like myself. People that were made AWARE by other people, who were made aware by other people all the way back to the origins of the information. I myself have forwarded this information along from time to time, when I think it’s important, so this isn’t a rant against doing it. As of today though, it stops for me.

I thought about it after reading an article about the spill, and it was made to be funny but part of it really struck home. When things hit me, I don’t just go “Wow” and move on, I try to make changes to myself, molding my perception enough that I can grasp new ideas. This is my new idea:

Awareness is the Devil because we don’t do shit.

That’s right, I’m calling you out. Awareness is a sickness, one that makes us self loathing and guilt ridden without even realizing why. I’ve sent along videos and articles about the oil spill, but what did I really do? What did I accomplish? Did I stop the oil? Did I make BP pay?

No. I did nothing. I forwarded something along, and the people who got it did the same. I didn’t fix the problem, I didn’t even help the problem. Knowledge without action is like having a gun with no bullets, or sex with no orgasm. It’s just not worth it. You only end up frustrated at how ineffective you are, and things go downhill from there. You end up hating yourself for not being a superhero without even realizing you’re doing it. (I know that’s extreme and doesn’t happen all the time, but I’m rolling here, so just go with it.) If I made a video and it reached 50,000 people, and all those people did was keep forwarding it, I have done nothing. They have done nothing. We’re all aware now that there’s a problem, but not a single one is doing ANYTHING to stop it or fix it, just making sure we make others AWARE!

Do you see the problem here? Awareness has made us LESS effective! We forward the information/video/what-the-fuck ever along to other people, assuaging our guilt and permitting our own laziness because we HOPE that somebody along the chain ahead of us ACTUALLY does something, like mailing a letter to a congressman, or whatever. SOMETHING. Picture this: A hotel, packed and booked up for the night, has a fire. The alarm system is down. Employees run room to room, pounding doors to let people know. They do a few, then move up a floor. The people they’ve already told go to the rooms on their floor and tell everyone. Pretty soon everyone in the entire hotel knows it’s on fire. Unfortunately, everyone just stands in the hallways or in their rooms. The place burns to the ground, killing hundreds.

WHAT THE FUCK GOOD DOES THAT DO UNLESS THEY HEAD TO THE EXITS?! WHAT GOOD IS IT TO HAVE THE INFORMATION IF THEY DON’T DO A FUCKING THING WITH IT?!

I’m sorry, but I’m seriously annoyed with myself. I can’t believe I didn’t see this pattern sooner. “I helped try to stop the health care plan. I forwarded an email.” Really? THAT is the best I did? I’m ashamed of myself. We have become so lazy as people that if there isn’t somebody we can email, or a check box on a web site that we can click, we just don’t do much to fix the things that are wrong. We bitch and moan and eventually fall back to “Yeah, I was telling everyone about this.” That’s the best we’ve got. Kinda sad.

So, here is my new resolution to myself. Feel free to continue to live your life and do what you want with your newfound awareness. For me, unless I actually DO something to help with a problem, I’m not going to say shit. That way, hopefully the laziness will stop, I’ll end up forcing myself to ACT for the things I believe in. If we take away the net of AWARENESS, we can move to ACTION. Care to join me?

Self Rant

Okay, this is a big pile o’ bitch from me, so if you’re not up for hearing me whine one out, just “x” out the window and wait for my next entry. What am I gonna be complaining about?

1) On Writing: I love to write. I’ve conveyed that a few times, I think. Writing the blog/journal/novel has felt pretty good so far. It’s far less descriptive and deep than my usual, but it’s been interesting and fun. Until this weekend. Until I was reading what I wrote and falling into the nasty old habit of hating what I wrote, seeing things I want to fix. The difference is that with this new style, I can’t change things, there’s no editing. It’s just raw, and it’s already pissing me off at myself. I left out a detail that is now gnawing at me, and I’m not sure how to work it in. It’s a BIG detail, and at some point it will be critical to have that piece of info, but I just can’t think of a way to integrate it in at this point. I’ve also found a few minor details that I want to change for the progression of the story.

You may ask: “Didn’t you have an outline? What writer works without an outline?” I do have an outline, but it’s not on paper. It’s 3 years of daydreaming about this storyline and where it can, could and should go. The things I want to change don’t change that part of the story, they just alter some side-stories that are coming to me as I’m writing. This is the point in the past where I would throw away and start from scratch, or start working on something else. I don’t want to do that this time, I want to see this story. I want to make it happen, I’m just stuck now on what to do to make it go forward again.

2) On Acting: I love to act. It’s almost as loved as writing, and I was SO frickin’ excited about Sweeney Todd I was almost annoying myself. The show fell through, auditions cancelled, and I’ve been looking around for shows to audition for since. I see some decent shows being done out there, but nothing that really catches me. Nothing that I feel the way I felt about Sweeney. I catch myself still singing those songs I practiced so much, occasionally really belting one out. I AM Sweeney Todd. Damnit. Anyway…

3) On Singing: Do we notice a pattern here? I love performing, creating, getting out there and bearing my soul to the world. Well, not my soul, but I show other people’s souls. I’ve been writing some songs, practicing my rock singing when I’m in the car (Yes, I sing my own songs as if there’s really music playing. My level of insanity will be discussed another time.) I know a lot about music, and what I’m coming up with is pretty good, one of the songs I consider to be great. The problem? I really want to perform them. I keep looking up bands, found a website where bands can advertise their needs, and been checking some stuff out. I would be cool with 90 percent covers and 10 percent originals, but I can’t seem to find ANYTHING! The bands that seem to need singers don’t do the kind of music I want to do, hard rock, rock, alternative, etc. I finally did find a band that seemed to be a good fit, only to find out that it’s all 14-16 year olds. I have nothing against a young band like that, I wish them the best, but really? Not quite sure we all have the same life plan, I would end up just being the guy they send out to buy the beer. “Where’s old dude?” “Gettin’ some brew.” Not happening. Hopefully I get a catch on something.

4) On Whining: Yes, I’m whining about all this stuff. Why? Because for over 2.5 years I wasn’t able to really WANT to do stuff like this. Now that I’m down to one job, I have the TIME to do these things, and I’m bursting at the seems to actually DO them. I’m not sitting here stagnant just waiting for something cool to fall on my head, I’m actively trying to make stuff happen, but I’m impatient. I keep waiting for the dam to break and watch all of my newly-aquired free time disappear.

And….end bitch session

Freek’s Fabulous Favorite Five Friday!

F-it. Not in a bad way, but it’s Friday and I feel the urge to start doing a little top 5 list, so maybe this will be a weekly thing. Was chilling listening to a little music, and a song came on that I like, blah blah blah…here we go!
This week, we’re gonna do my 5 favorite cover songs. Now I’m not gonna say these are the BEST, or the most POPULAR, but they’re my favorites. If you want a list of the best ever, maybe I’ll do that someday.
The inspiration here is simple: I love alternate versions of songs. I love music overall, but hearing a good song in a new and different way is like seeing someone you know in a different style of clothing; they’re still who you know, but sometimes that new look can be so sexy. I also enjoy acoustic versions of songs. MTV Unplugged is a very cool show, to hear songs you love brought to this other level is just something so amazing.

Please feel free to comment about your favorites, they may make a future list!
Anyway, on with the list!

5) Faith – Covered by Limp Bizkit, Originally by George Michael

I love this song. Some people are probably groaning, but this cover was so originally and well done, you can’t help but move a little bit to it. Part of my love comes from my attraction to the original. When I was a kid, I remember dancing around to that one, and maybe having a few immature fantasies to that and those other George Michael classic, Father Figure and I Want Your Sex.
The Limp Bizkit version starts off slow, Fred Durst practically whining out the lyrics, then it ramps up and becomes a full on rock fest. Heads thrashing around, bodies moving. It’s just such a cool song, and one I never skip when it comes on.
-Cool live video-

If you like them at all, I know they’re cover of 1999 was a bit overdone 11 years ago, but the song still kicks ass. Listen here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czEvhNO-P20

4) Heard it Through the Grapevine – Covered by Creedence Clearwater Revival, Original by Marvin Gaye

They didn’t jazz it up much. They didn’t have to. John Fogerty has a voice that gets up and walks around on its own, grabbing the listener with every word. This isn’t the only cover song they have, such classics as Good Golly Miss Molly, Suzie Q and Midnight Special, and many have covered their songs, including over 100 covers that have been done of Proud Mary, most notably the Ike and Tina Turner version that still rings as popular to this day. With all the covers being done, Heard it Through the Grapevine is still my favorite by CCR.

3) I Will Survive – Covered by Cake, Original by Gloria Gaynor

Cake is so much fun. They do a LOT of cover songs, but this one is flat-out the coolest. His almost flat voice as he goes through this story of heartbreak-turned-motivational song is kind of surreal at some points. I’m sure everyone gets up and starts dancing when the original plays, and who can forget the rendition done in “The Replacements” with a team of football players singing and dancing to it in jail. When the Cake version comes on, though, I just feel my head bobbing uncontrollably, like somebody stuck a metronome in there and set it going to the rhythm. Like most of Cake’s music, it’s a pile of fun. Like Cake? Check out their cover of War Pigs as well.

2)Darling Nikki – Covered by Foo Fighters, Original by Prince

I love Foo Fighters. For over 15 years they have been putting out some of the best music out there. They stay fresh, and Dave Grohl is such an amazing, well-rounded musician that their power and skill as a band just can’t be denied. Darling Nikki, in its original form by Prince, isn’t that great of a song. What Foo Fighters did with it though is made it good, hard rock. Such a bad ass song to jam out to.  Not much more I can say here, as most of my musical top 5s will have a Foo Fighter song on there. I have man-love for Dave Grohl and the boys. whatever.

1) This was a hard one, so to keep it as a top 5, I just chose 2 number 1s! See? It’s my blog and I can do WHATEVER I WANT!!!

Seriously, though, I love both of these songs so much, I couldn’t break them up. They are both number 1 to me. The songs are Hurt-covered by Johnny Cash, Original by Nine Inch Nails and Hallelujah, covered by Jeff Buckley, Original by Leonard Cohen.

Hurt:

Hurt is a cool song. Nine Inch Nails really pulled one out here, creating a song with such an eerie, dark feel that you feel drawn into the underground world of drug addiction just listening to it. Your mind can follow a path of sadness, grief and finally letting go. As wonderful as their version is, what Johnny Cash did to it is nothing short of phenomenal. His voice is dark, his rhythm is slow. You close your eyes and, if you want, you can almost see the sadness in his face as he sings the song. He brings out the powerful side of his chords, though, to bring the ending straight to you, the final desperate plea escaping him. I can’t listen to that song without feeling moved.

The same can be said for Hallelujah. It moves me every time I hear it, no matter who the singer is. The Jeff Buckley version is by far the greatest, though. I could go on and on about the simple beauty of the music, or the alluring pull of Buckley’s voice, how it feels like his words are caressing the heart, the brain. Every love you’ve ever had, every family member you’ve ever lost, every painful moment in your life, every joyous day, the birth of a child, the heartache of a break up; they can all be felt in this song. Cohen’s lyrics partnered with Buckley’s voice and guitar is a marriage of heart and soul. Listening to the song as I write this, I smile even with a tear coming to my eye. That’s the glory of Hallelujah. There’s so much to write about this song, but I’ll leave the regular info type stuff to Wikipedia, and I’ll just leave you with a cold and a broken Hallelujah:

More info on Hallelujah:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hallelujah_(Leonard_Cohen_song)

Thanks for reading all. Hope you enjoyed it.